Last weekend, Edi, our student from Cluj-Napoca, finished 2nd at his first in-person chess tournament and went home with a trophy. Congratulations, Edi! 🏆
A result like this at a child’s first chess tournament is rare. To see why, let’s look at what a first tournament usually looks like, and what parents can do afterwards.
What Happens at a Beginner Chess Tournament
After a few months of online chess lessons, many students (especially boys) want to try their luck at a local chess tournament for kids.
They already have a few wins against classmates or friends who don’t take lessons, so they arrive with high expectations. What they don’t anticipate is the difference in level between a friend who learned chess from his grandfather and a child who plays in competitions regularly.
On top of that come the technical rules of an official tournament: the touch-move rule, illegal moves, the chess clock, the scoresheet, and other formalities.
As a chess coach, my forecast for a child at their first tournament is 1, maybe 2 wins out of the 5 games typical of a recreational competition. I told Edi’s parents the same thing before the tournament.
Why Beginners Lose Their First Chess Tournament
Paradoxically, the score at a first tournament says little about a child’s real chess level. Newcomers lose more often than they should, not because they are weaker than their opponents, but because of three factors:
- lack of experience in formal competitions;
- nerves;
- the novelty of everything they see at the tournament.
So a first tournament most often ends in disappointment and, not rarely, in tears. This happens especially with boys, whose expectations are shattered. The chances of winning a cup or a medal, not just a participation diploma, are close to zero.
One more detail: girls’ categories often have few participants, so medals are easier to win, which can be frustrating for a boy with 2 wins and no prize.
How Parents Should React After the First Tournament
After the disappointment of a first chess tournament, parents usually choose one of two paths:
- “He should keep competing, to gain experience and get stronger.”
- “Let’s wait 6 months, he’s not emotionally ready to lose.” (because he cried)
The parents’ attitude after the first tournament, regardless of the result, matters more than the result itself.
It’s natural to want to protect your child, because nobody wants to see their child cry. But during those 6 months of waiting, the other children don’t stand still. When your child returns to tournaments, their opponents will have 6 more months of experience. They will be tougher and more battle-hardened.
By contrast, children who keep competing soon become the ones who beat the next batch of newcomers, thanks to the experience they’ve accumulated.
Personally, I’m on the side of the first path. Parents who choose to keep going motivate their children to pay more attention in chess lessons and work more thoroughly if they want to win more. They teach them not to run from challenges, but to overcome them through work.
When a child quits after the first failure and switches to another sport “where maybe they’ll have better luck,” the risk is that the story repeats at the first competition there. Slowly, a habit forms of looking for an easier fresh start instead of working through difficulty.n easier fresh start instead of working through difficulty.
4 Things to Say to Your Child After a Chess Tournament
As the parent of a child going to their first tournament, it’s good to have 4 speeches prepared and to expect anything:
- Rare: what you say if they finish 2nd, like Edi.
- What you say if they finish 4th and have just missed a medal.
- Most common: what you say if they finished among the last and lost almost all their games.
- What you say if they finished last, with 0 points.
For the case where they win 1st place, you don’t need to stress about it for now. ☺️
We’ll cover each of these speeches in part two of this article.
Why You Shouldn’t Say “It’s Nothing!” to a Child Who Lost
The worst thing you can say to a child who has just lost a chess game or is crying is “It’s nothing!”
For him, it is something. He worked, he hoped, and he was disappointed. “It’s nothing” tells him that what he feels doesn’t matter. What to say instead, you’ll find in part two.
Back to Edi: The Happy Exception
Edi was the happy exception. But whether your child comes home from their first chess tournament with a trophy or with tears, it is only the beginning.
Is your child preparing for their first chess tournament? Write to us and we’ll tell you what to expect.